Saturday. Must try and keep track of the days. Pulling out the gigantic map of America I'm sad as it becomes apparent we just won't be able to squeeze in the drive to see my Canadian chum Charlie. It's seven hours drive North West to Victoria, we can't afford to fly it. Our ultimate destination is Chicago, several hundred miles East for the comedysportz tournament. We have planned rest stops, so we could take those out, but that would mean driving straight though three states, which isn't practical or I suppose healthy on Bron who is doing the driving. We delibrately didn't plan a lot of our road trip, so it's doubley frustrating as it was the one thing I did plan and was looking forward to. If you're reading this Charlie, again I'm sorry pal, next time x

Onwards East and we visit Mount St Helens, an enormous volcano that erupted sideways in 1980 and took a few small towns and a forest with it. It's a massive crater in the ground and at the visitors centre we listen to the ranger's talk. It's a talk she's probably done a million times when she names and describes the last moments of the surveyor who was up on the thing when it went off and only had a few moments to radio the authorities and say "This is it" before, as she describes it "The mountain took him". Grim stuff for family listening. I'm not a dweller on dark stuff, but it does make me wonder which part of a volcano exploding under your feet would kill you first. The rocks? The fire? Being blasted into the air? Probably all of it. On the way back we stop off at the Bigfoot gift shop and Bron buys a spare wedding ring for one dollar.

We cross Oregon and the hours pass to some tremendous views of dams, rivers and cliffs. At Hill Fort indian reservation a quick casino visit to break up the journey, I observe some indians dressed as cowboys and there's a 'Pow Wow' which looks like a car boot sale in the middle of a campsite, but I think we've probably missed the good stuff. Then up slowly into rolling hills and before the sun sets theres a 'vista point', a roadside stop where we can see across the whole reservation. The sun is low and all the buildings, plains and ourselves are bathed in warm a yellow light and we cast shadows that go on forever. We've covered a lot of ground and we're tired, but it's all so beautiful. I'm not done yet.

We stop at another 'America's Best Value Inn' and I'm starving. Even at night it's uncomfortably hot and There's only a 24 McDonalds drive through in sight. If you don't know America, It's not like the UK in how it's laid out. Outside the big cities shops and food places aren't all terraced together like our high streets or town centres. it's all small drive in retail park type places, or outlets are stood on their own. I cross an almost deserted street and try the door but it's locked and no one is visable inside. I stand at the drive through ordering post which is set a distance from the building. I speak into the microphone but no one is there. The lights are on. I try again. Nothing. A read a notice on the big illuminated menu. I am not a car, so I'm not heavy enough to trigger the bell that tells Ronald McDonald I want to be fed. Probably a good thing. I give up and leave.

American Independence day. It's a big deal here, and after a day of mostly rest and catching up we go to Vancouver park in Washington State to watch an enourmous firework display. It looks like the whole city has come to the park with deck chairs parasols and blankets to get a pitch to see the display. At 10pm it all kicks off with booms, bangs and bright lights and continues for at least twenty minutes, lighting up the sky for miles around, the biggest light show this side of the Mississippi apparently.

Next afternoon we went too Voodoo Donuts, a 24 hour donut shop where I get their signature confection, a little man shaped sugary treat with a twiglet stabbed into him, and another donut which has maple icing and bacon on it. It's well tastey. Bron's friend Jill has helped me souce a couple of open mike comedy nights, as I want to see how Danny Pensive fares out here. I've gigged in the states only twice before, one gig was good, the other not so much. Even the simplest cultural references can get lost easily. At the curious comedy theatre there's an all inclusive improv night on beforehand, Bron and Jill both get in on it and have fun.

This boded well for the comedy gig, or at least I thought it would, as the place slowly empties, and only the stand ups remain. Almost all the acts do their short spot and leave, the greater percentage of them talk about what they want to do with thier willies. Oh dear. The female compere never addressed it, or sought to even the odds, as a night it's all a bit flat. I get on, do my thing, slowly prise a few laughs out of those that have stayed, then just before I finish she comes back on stage to usher me off...oh the indignity. I'm really not where I'm wanted tonight. I try not to judge, it's one night in one venue and Portland is a big town, and besides I'm off to see the comedysportz show tomorrow.

For our final day in Portland I take a break and head into the city alone to wander and explore. Portland is laid back, and easy to get your head around on foot. I resist the urge to shop until I come across a shop called 'I like comics', which is the best named comic shop I've ever been in. I buy the new Star Trek/Doctor Who crossover, where the doctor walks on the bridge of the enterprise. what are the chances? That evening we go to the comedysportz Portland match, which is loads of fun, and get ready to leave Portland.