2011 disappeared in a flurry of Xmas and Skyrim addiction, and now suddenly it’s 2012 and I get married in three months which s all a bit imminent. As well as that and some sorely overdue booking, I’m doing Jesting About in the North East, where I’m contributing sketches to a half hour radio show that will be recorded live in Newcaslte in February, more info here.

It’s a great kick up the backside for me to write more.  There were some great sketches by the team, I’ve not written sketch format for a long time and it’s evident at the first read through, where my stuff got the laughs, but was a bit lacking in internal logic.

 Gag Reels at the Frog and Bucket - Tuesday 25th October

The Frog & Bucket comedy club are showing another of their ‘Gag Reels’ night where a comedian gives a running commentary over one of their favorite films. I’ve been invited to do this one, and I’ll be doing a big colourful movie from 1965 which has Peter Cushing and Bernard Cribbins in it and lots of angry sink plunger wielding mutants and a plan to invade the earth.

Expect lots and lots of affectionate digs, possibly a drinking game involving Sugar Puffs product placement, and also possibly a full re-enactment of the robomen-eating-dinner where everyone gets a paper plate with peas rolling round on it.

http://www.frogandbucket.com/manchester-shows/

DANNY PENSIVE’S MAP OF BRITAIN – WEDNESDAY 26th

I’ll doing my Edinburgh 2011 show at the manchester comedy festival on the 26th October at the Lass O’Gowrie pub. Show starts at 9.15pm and is £3. More info over  on Danny’s proper website

LET’S SEE WHAT HAPPENS – SATURDAY 29th

I’m joining the Comedysportz improv gang to do their longform show, at the lass O’Gowrie

DOCTOR WHO TRIBUTE IMPROV – SUNDAY 30th

What is says, an improvised episode, or maybe two, at the lass O’Gowrie

Day 21 – Poole
Down to the South coast and Poole. I’m knackered and rock up into the dressing room of the lighthouse for a kip. In fact I kip for most of the day and don’t really see anything or anyone until showtime. If I see another sandwich I will shoot someone in the face with it. I don’t even remember the show.
On the way out of Poole we stop at a Tesco’s 24. Look at this shelf of cider. This is Tesco’s. It may look like an average selection of cider like any other Tescos’s, but it isn’t. You’d be surprised just how much the menu changes when you get near Somerset and it’s neighbouring counties. Thatchers gold in both bottles and cans, Sheppy’s Dabinet and three varieties of Cornish rattler, you’d be hard pushed to find those in the North West and North East in your average supermarket…and they’re all gorgeous.

Day 22 – Taunton
Into somerset proper where I get a large flaggon of Sheppy’s scrumpy that will hopefully make it all the way home to Manchester at the end of tour. In the car we listen to soundtracks from computer games, and I rabbit on about the Elder Scrolls RPG games until everyone is utterly bored, but at least I’m not banging on about Doctor Who anymore. Anything to stay awake at the wheel. I am amused by a shop called ‘world of bears’ but I don’t know why.
The show is good for me and great for Charlie, plenty of laughs. I find it hard work, but wouldn’t change it for the world. Five show’s left.

Day 23 – Eastbourne
Eastbourne is lovely. It’s Saturday (must hang on to what day it is) and the sun is shining, the sky is full of those guys on motorised parachute thingy’s whirling about all over the shop which looks really exciting. I wander through the main shopping parade where like Manchester they have a shopping centre called the arndale, and down to the sea.

Click here to view the video on YouTube.

The Devonshire Park Theatre is old and lovely and we have a top show, really enjoyable. The landlord of the venue pub next door gets us to sign the poster for the show and will put it with the others on his wall. It’s a thrill as I have so much affection all the British actors I see the names of on the walls. Awesome.
Our hotel is a small chain owned by John Malcovich the actor. It’s our intention to look for the seventh and a half floor and climb inside his head, but unfortunetly as we arrive the lift has been broken by a dozen topless drunk stags who have all tried to squeeze into it. They all come out laughing like idiots as they inconvenience all the other guests in the hotel. We carry our bags up three flights of stairs. I want to push them all into the sea. There is a picture of John Malcovich on the wall of the room, looking p***ed off. I think he knows.

Day 24 – Southsea
It’s quiet, not much is open and getting dinner is a chore as we go into the pub next to the Kings Theatre. Seeing someone eating a Sunday lunch I try to work out how they knew to order it being that there are no menus on the tables, and no specials board. On asking for a menu we get a single piece of A4 paper, with no mention of Sunday lunch on it. I go to the bar and ask if they do Sunday lunch. There’s is a noticeable pause before the girl replies ‘We do a Sunday roast?’ Bless. She brings a friend of over to help with the sentence ‘We’ve got Chicken, Beef or Pork, but no Chicken’. Charlie notices seating upstairs and tests them further. ‘Yes you can sit upstairs, but there’s no table service upstairs’ came the seemingly adequate reply until we realise the kitchen is upstairs and the serving waitresses have to go upstairs in order to fetch the food down.
We have time to kill as Erin goes in to prep the show, so me and Charlie visit the D-Day museum. I don’t know that I expected much, but it was a great display of vehicles and memorabilia, showing the preparation for operation Overlord and the sheer scale of the operation it’s hard to imagine. Impressive and really sobering.
The theatre is gorgeous, another ageing beauty. The show is great too, and after we to the Phoenix for a pint where I get uncharacteristically shirty, then calm down (I’m just tired). The walls are awesomely covered with signed photo’s and I get snap happy on pictures of Bernard Horsfall, David Yip, Sue Pollard, Tom O’Conner, Bernard Breslaw, Spike Milligan and the pub dog.

Day 25, 26 – Break & Alnwick
On the road for most of the day, from South coast to Northumberland six hours or so seeing nearly all of the A1/M1, deciding against the M18 connecting road just to be a purist. A nice meal where I eat some beetroot and cucumber, a chat to the wife, a pint and bed.
If you like books, Alnwick has an amazing second hand bookshop called Barter Books – it’s just huge. I’m not a big reader and I spent the best part of an hour in it instead of visiting the castle which is also huge. The town itself is quite small but the people are canny and you can feel the history here.

Day 16 – Kendal
Down the M6 to the Lake District, and it’s a Saturday too which mean the market is on and I buy some nice cheese and a couple of balls of wool as a pressent for the missus. Again you can tell the average age of the towns occupants by the number of charity shops around. I do like a bit of charity shop spending, but I’m a but concerned by some of the advertising I’ve seen in some of the on the tour. Adverts saying ‘We urgently need your donations’, stressing the urgency of the message in big underlined letters. I’ve donated to shops in Chorlton and still do when I have a clear out. I’m not having a pop at charity shops as the all do good work, but to use an assertive approach to their marketing when I’m effectively giving them my stuff isn’t quite an ernest message. I overhear a conversation between the shop assistant and a customer, she blames Ebay for the slow turnover in their stock, fair point.
Wandering round the charity shops with Charlie, I’m wearing my duffle to do on the fly video diary. I’m stopped by a young girl who recognises Danny Pensive and is a fan, we get a photo and chat and she is made up. This gives me a little lift too.
I manage to work the panorama setting on my new phone camera app and take some nice photos.
A great show and after we go for drinks, sample many ciders and meet a couple of local lads in Dickie Doodle’s late rock bar who saw the show and chat and drink some more.
The next morning I have a bogging headache and am totally not with it but argee to Erin, our tech mananger’s plan to wander up a big hill and see Kendal Castle. I didn’t even know Kendal had a castle, and from the lack of signage neither do a lot of people.

Day 17 & 18
Break for admin and domestic related activity. Phone calls in the bath, etc.

Day 19 – Coventry
Refreshed we head for Coventry and the Belgrave theatre. The staff are nice and we are all issued with door fobs to get in and out. The show is an odd one, I try to up the energy in the room, and there’s laugh’s, but they’re not really buying what I’m selling tonight and the banter is all a bit cynical. Charlie has a great one, after all it’s his show they’ve come to see. My old mate Tom is in the audience too, and I#ve not seen him in a while so this makes it a bit more uncomfortable for me. Saying that it’s great have a big old catch up session and a pint later.
The ABC motel has windows that open all the way. Respect.

Day 12 – Break
A big drive back to Manchester and a rest. I look forward to a kip in my own bed and a fuss of the cat, but instead fix the cupboard door in the kitchen that’s been bugging me for ages, then take out the bins, as all the people in our block haven’t bothered. Oh how bloody showbiz. I am too tired to be annoyed and drink myself to sleep in front of my computer.

Day 13 – Scunthorpe
Scunthorpe Plowright Theatre is sandwiched between the police station and the fire station, it’s small and old school and the staff are very jolly. Wandering around the place I don’t know if it’s me, the town, the weather or all three – but it’s down and dismal. Loads of Greggs and pound shops, maybe no more than anywhere else, but they stick out more today. I get fish and chips from the BHS cafe. The show is far mare than I expect it to be, the people are well up for it, but not always laughing where I expect.

Day 14 – Barnsley
The clouds part on the way to Glossop and we have a great scenic midday drive to Barnsley listening to Holst’s planet suite. Barnsley Civic theatre is a new theatre and art space, and the facilities are great. I feel really sluggish, and really need to push myself to eat healthily on the road. With some gagrbaldi biscuits and fruit from Morrisons I’m happy enough until showtime. It’s ‘hump day’, we are officially halfway through the tour.
From my dressing room on the third floor I can see some kids hiding behind the waterfall feature, on the front grassy area outoside the theatre. I take photos of them as they appear to take drigs, see me, then quickly dash over a wall.

Day 8 & 9 – Norwich
The theatre in Peterborough has sadly closed it’s doors, we only found out days before, so two days in Norwich then, and to make up for it the prior show here at Norwich Playhouse is already sold out. On the way we stumble across the “World Famous Comfort Cafe” which appears to be a simple cafe services with a cunning name. Sitting drinking coffee and reading the paper is Wes Zaharuk, a great props comic, he’s killing time before heading to Norwich too to play Jongleurs.
Our accom for Norwich feels a bit harsh and seventies, but I’m happy for the room. A hotel & conference centre, the kind of place Reggie Perrin would have stayed before his breakdown, with a brushed silver control panel at the bedside like you’d see on an old ITC spy drama. ‎”Do I need anything to get on your WiFi?” I said to the receptionist, infering a password. “A computer” she said matter of factly, like I’m stupid. I could feel the words “secure connection?” on the tip of my tongue, but they didn’t come out. Upon trying it is a secure connection, in that their network does not let you on it.
The stay is made invaluably better by the arrival of wor lass, who has made the four hour trip from Manchester with some mates to see me on this, probably the only occasion I’m in one place long enough. This is where the showbiz lifestyle is hard, since the end of June we’ve only seen each other a handful of times. Simple pleasures like making my woman egg on toast for breakfast will have to wait till October. Sad face.
The Norwich show is awesome, a real high point so far, and the baer serves Aspalls cider too. I love it.

Day 10 – Braintree
Braintree may have been named after the wallnut tree’s which grow here and look a bit like brains, but that’s just one theory. I’m sick of sandwiches now, take a chance on a microwaveable ready meal hoping the venue has a microwave. Always a risk if they don’t as there may be no fridge either. We arrive at the venue, great room, great wifi, great staff but no microwave or kettle. So… No tea? NO TEA!!?? WTF!…. Yes tea. I have a new supply of evil Typhoo QT instant granules and they have a hot water station. With no water to boil, bag to squeeze or milk to pour I make the quickest cup of tea in the world ever, in 6 seconds. I mourn my microwavable curry as the sealed black plastic tray slowly expands in the warmth and break out the instant mash for lunch instead.